My Camp's Front Porch Toilet - by the late Eugene "Gene" Price

Eugene "Gene" Price, honored journalist, editor of the Goldsboro News-Argus,  former press secretary to US Rep. Herbert C. Bonner, member of the N.C. Wildlife Resources Commission, sadly passed away in January 2019. Gene found Goose Creek Island many years ago and had a "camp" at The Pondersosa, Lowland. He spent many weekends here and fell in love with our little Island, the river, the creeks, the skies, and the people that make our Island beautiful. Sadly, I was unable to interview him before his passing but we had corresponded before he became ill. His daughter Sue has passed on a few stories of his time on Goose Creek Island and she remarked how much he loved to go to "the camp." I recently purchased his book Folks Around Here. It is dotted with his stories and several are of his time at Goose Creek Island. Here is one that I am sure you will enjoy. 

Gene on the porch of his camp on Goose Creek Island

Photo courtesy of Sue Price Johnson

My Camp's Front Porch Toilet

GOOSE CREEK ISLAND - Despite all it's shortcomings, perhaps my camp here on the island should be in the Guinness Book of Records. Its toilet is on the front porch.

There's a reason for that of course. When I first bought the camp some 30 years ago it had a commode located in the cement block utility room which now houses a couple of outboard motors, two barrels of nets, an array of tools, assorted waterfowl decoys, leaky waders and equally leaky boots, cans of useless paint and an assortment of gummed up and dried paint brushes (also useless), and an antique Underwood typewriter, along with several mostly empty bottles of "spirits."

It was a perfectly good commode.

But it had a problem. It would flush - but it wouldn't swallow. 

I tried numerous approaches to the problem, such as pouring all sorts of guaranteed solutions into the bowl, letting them "set" for the appointed time before flushing. All with the same lack of results. The woods around the camp had become pockmarked with little squares of white (well, slightly streaked) paper as testimonials to my plumbing failures. 

In exasperation, I appealed to my good Goose Creek Island friend John Collins to find someone who could solve the problem. 

"Oh," assured John, "it won't be a problem, Vernell (Ballance) and I can fix it right up. We just got to raise the commode."

"Whatever it takes..." I insisted.

On my next trip to the Island, I made my mandatory stop at John's house in "downtown" Lowland. (Not to stop and have a drink with John was to be subjected to a subsequent lecture on my having treated him "mighty shabby."

"Cap'n Gene!" John greeted me, "did you bring your Kodak!" (To John, all cameras were Kodaks.)

I assured John I always brought my Kodak. And he admonished that we just had to get "a picture of the toilet."

Encouraging news indeed! Until we arrived at the camp.

Pursuing their diagnosis of the problem, John and Vernell had removed the commode, poured an eight-inch high square concrete base and reinstalled the stool. Then dutifully flushed it. Disappointingly, and characteristically, the commode flushed - but failed to "swallow."

Undeterred, John and Vernell raised it another eight inches - with the same results. And a third time...

When I entered the utility room, the commode was just the right height for me to walk up to it, rest my chin on its front and "throw up." I could sit on it, but would have to lean way forward to keep my back from hitting the rafters. And it still wouldn't "swallow."

John and I spent the next morning probing for the septic tank. And found it - partially under the front porch. And considerably uphill from the utility room where the commode reigned on its new throne.

That afternoon, in keeping with Plumbing 101, John and I removed the commode from its impressive roost and installed it on the front porch. Straight downward shot to the septic tank! And its been flushing and swallowing there ever since. 

We enclosed that corner of the porch, of course. And in deference of modesty of some visitors, we even hung a previously discarded shower curtain over the toilet door. 

Need Directions on Goose Creek Island?

The Canal

Picture this in your mind. 

Someone who has never been to Goose Creek Island is riding around the Island. Maybe they're looking for someone's house or out sight-seeing. 

They're lost because they have no cell phone signal to look at their GPS. 

Scene One: You're feeding the ducks at Pate Boatyard (pretend you are Lucille Sadler) and they stop by and ask, "I'm trying to get to the Community Center." 

As a true Goose Creek Islander, how would you steer them in the right direction?

Answer: "Well, the Community Center is over there where the old school used to be, across from the Funny Farm. Just go down this road a ways and turn left at Alcock's corner. Once you turn at Alcock's Corner, the community center is over on the left, right there where the old baseball field used to be. If you go too far, watch out for Nelvin, he's the Island police officer. He might wave you down and stop you. If you're lucky you may get by with a warning ticket."

Scene Two: You're hanging net in your yard (let's pretend it's Mitchie Ray and Scooter at Scooter's house) and a car pulls up, lost. They're looking for the place to buy some of those I & M Oysters. 

Answer: "Well, you're close. Just go back 'out the road' and make a left to go 'Round the Horn'. Go 'round the road' till you see Oyster Creek Road. Turn right, you will go around a couple of sharp turns. The last sharp turn is there at Brown's, but go on to the end. I & M Oysters is there at the landing. Watch out for the water, we've got a moderate North East breeze."

Our sense of direction is a real Island developed language. Those that are unknowing to our ways of Island directions really can't understand if they're coming or going. Here is some Island navigational words and locations that true Islanders understand.

Out The Road - direction depends on if you are coming or going

Down the Road - again, direction depends on if you are coming or going

'Round the Road - you're going around the loop 

Around the Loop - you're going 'Round the Road

"Round the Horn - you're going around the loop road depending on location 

Up The Prong - one always goes Up the Prong, never Down the Prong

At The Landing - well, that depends, whose Landing you're trying to get to? 

Going to the Store - again, that depended on whose store you where going to (none exist now)

The Canal - that's an easy one, the small section of canal that was dug for the Intracoastal Waterway. The Coast Guard Station is located on 'The Canal'. 

Springs Creek - that little section of homes between Hobucken and Lowland

Potter Ditch - the main lead ditch you cross as you come into Lowland.

The Marshes - former settlement in the area in the marshes beyond where the pavement runs out in Hobucken

Drum Creek - just down past where the pavement runs out in Hobucken

Out to Middle Bay - the end of the dirt road once you pass the Marshes and Drum Creek

Jimmy's Hole - an old boat basin at the end of Doll's Creek Rd. 

Foot The Road - the end of the road in Lowland, overlooking Goose Creek. 

Alcock's Corner - at the intersection of Hobucken Rd. and Schoolhouse Rd. 

Clark's Corner - at the intersection of Lowland Rd. and Middle Prong Rd., where you turn to go Up the Prong. 

There's really no way you can get lost on Goose Creek Island. It's pretty much one way in and one way out. 

Maybe I need to compile a Goose Creek Island Map showing those place names and features for newcomers and visitors. Some once prominent places have since disappeared but the names are still very much used, such as the school house, Miss Lela's, or the Honky Tonk. Nevertheless, the local names for many geographical areas on the Island persist in our language, especially among us native born Islanders. 

I am so thankful that we still use these names and phrases today. Now, how many of you know where Sally's or Browns is at?